Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish you could order shots online.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
