it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
