She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
FUCK WHALES
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize