WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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