Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
