my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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