You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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