i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
