He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
