Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
