I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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