I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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