He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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