I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
