How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
