About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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