Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
