I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize