So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
