Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Life is so much better after having sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
