Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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