I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
