oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize