You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
