Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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