a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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