She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
