I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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