Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize