dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
