I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize