Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Less talking, more tequila
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
