matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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