my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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