i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
