we're chasing vodka with high fives
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
