That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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