Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
