It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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