I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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