He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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