A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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