the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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