So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
