just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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