I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Floor bacon is actually really good
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
