I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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