Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize