dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
