I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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