Cold hands, warm shart.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
