We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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