I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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