What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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