The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
