i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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