All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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