Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
