I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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