Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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