i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
