You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
