Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
