I think I died a long time ago.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want to make out with him forever
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
