People in love make me want to vomit
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
