Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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