If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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