In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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