you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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