I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
